Monday, 28 May 2012

IAm 13 years old and Iam writing a story..plz tell if its good and post if ...

?Yahoo!? I said,screaming,skiing down the steep mountain, gaining enough speed to jump over the ramp like cliff to reach the other side of the Mt.Everest.ZOOM! I glide over the mountain gracefully.I Am just inches away from the cliff on the other side?i skid smoothly in between the crowd that was waiting for me.Every one was cheering and shouting my name.It all felt good until?

?Jake! Wake up.Your dreaming again Jake? I forced my eyes open expecting to picture the crowd?only to see my mom hurrying me to school.

?MOM!? I screamed.?You ruined the moment of truth, you know??

?Oh did I?Well stop watching movies late at night and get up already, or you will be late for your first day at school?.

?But its just 7:00?I say

?Summer vacation is over,remember??She yells.

My name is Jake and I Am not used to getting up early.I Am just the average guy next door and the type of person who is more interested in video games than outdoor sports because I Am NOT the social type.

So, I hurry out of my bed and go to the bathroom.Then I go downstairs for some breakfast.I see my dad sitting lazily at the table peering through the news paper.

?Hey dad? I say

?Good morning Jake,geared up for school??

?Nope? I say,grabbing my cereal bowl.

?Hey chicken?said my big brother barging in.?Ready to get bullied in middle school??

?Good morning to you too Zack? I sighed.

I poured some milk into the bowl and started gulping down the cereal.

?Get in the car both of you, I?m taking you to school today?,said my mom handing me my lunch pack.

Me and Zack exchanged glances because the last time we went to school with her, it was bad.Real bad!

Last Time

We got in the car and reached our school.The area was clear so I stepped of the car and trudged a few steps.It was going well, until?

?Hey sugar bean , you forgot your lunch pack?.

Well,that certainly did it.All the annoying boys and girls suddenly showed up and started hollering with laughter.

And it had some pretty bad after effects too.Like our class bully Billy saying ?Hey sugar bean don?t forget your lunch pack? and splattered me with my lunch just to get his cronies snicker.

And that?s not the way i wanted to start my very first day at school.Not this year.So we pestered dad to drive us to school.Which he DID NOT! He mysteriously had an urgent appointment at his office and drove away leaving us to our doom.

So we could do nothing, but to get in the antique station wagon and let mom take us.And on the awful journey to school, I thought about what Zack said, about getting bullied and all.This year i wanted to change all that.

And before we knew it we reached the the creaking old sign saying ?SCHOOL AHEAD?to warn us students that school was just a few meters away and we needed to brace our self for the worst because for us,it was more of a DANGER DO NOT ENTER kinda? sign.

And to avoid the aforementioned embarrassment,I told mom to stop a few
feet away from the school gate and luckily,there were no screw ups this time around.
I know I misspelled the title.I Am Sorry.I ran out of space to write

There are a couple of places where the grammar needs to be tightened. The most obvious is that, after a character has finished speaking, you should put a punctuation mark BEFORE the end of the speech marks.

e.g.

"Hey, Dad," said Jake
"But it?s just 7.00!" I complained
"Hello," I began. "What?s your name?"

You also need a space after the punctuation, e.g. "Good morning Jake, geared up for school?"

Other than that, and a couple of other small grammatical mistakes, your work looks good! Tighten them up and it will make it so much easier to read; you will find it flows better too!

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